A change in thinking...

Its been a while since I have had the time to sit down and write some more. Life has been hectic until now!

A lot has happened since I last wrote, we have been through a lot of ups and downs. Me and my husband have learnt a lot from other people, reading, and Louise herself.

This last week at home in Lock-down she has developed a new part of her Autism. 'Shutdown'. I've read about it but had never seen it in Louise before. She has always been fiery with her reactions to things and lashed out when overwhelmed by her emotions. This week however, she did the opposite.

Since Coronavirus began she has been extremely emotional about it, like most kids she doesn't fully understand it but unlike others who get swept up in the drama of it. She has become terrified of it. Its a new thing that confirms all her anxieties about illness and death! We cant say the word or watch the news with her around she just simply cannot cope.

This week has been more than that she emotionally and physically shut herself away. Its hard to explain, everyone knows there kids and most kids given half the chance would love to watch TV or play on an ipad all day. What Louise did was different. Yes she wanted to just lay and watch YouTube naked (she doesn't like wearing clothes) but she became completely disengaged even in the things that normally would spark her interests.

For two days she had no desire to leave the house at all.I'm fortunate that I received a telephone call from an ASC Support worker and she explained that this was ok, to let her have this time to emotionally refuel and not to push the routine of doing her school work. (Which I have to add her teacher has made her an individual time table to work from which is really helpful.)

I thought that I needed to make sure we stuck to the routine to avoid meltdowns and confusion, the support worker agreed yes normally but at the moment she hasn't got the emotional capacity to deal with school work at home. Re-introduce the routine slowly after the Easter Holidays.

'Ahh ok!'

Let's move onto the positives now.

This week has given me the much needed time and opportunity to support and help Louise to understand what Autism is and to help her accept it. It been our first 'World Autism week'.

Up until now Louise has rejected it saying 'she doesn't want to have it.' 'She doesn't want to be different' 'She wants to be just like everyone else.

'We've spent some time looking at the national autism society website and I have showed her some of the stories from other people like her. She was amazed, she couldn't believe there were so many other people like her who do so many wonderful things.I showed her how people are trying to raise awareness so that other people can understand.

'That's good', she said. ' I hate it that no-one else understands or believes me!'We talked about us finding other people like her that live locally to us that we could get to know

.'Umm, I'd like that!'

Hallelujah!!!!!

You see as much as I don't want her to be lonely; Ive begun to realise that actually she is generally happier on her own or with us. She doesn't enjoy social events or getting together with friends, actually its me that has the issue with it.

I love to socialise and don't like being on mine own. So maybe if we can find someone locally like her, that she can get in with without feeling under pressure then I might too.

Then the lonely world of being a parent of a child with Autism might just not be so lonely....